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I say this a lot to myself, but I am terrible at being aware, proud, and happy about the accomplishments and progress I’ve made in life. We are often built and formed to believe in a more working manner, you must complete something that day, or you waste your day. Why would I give myself a work schedule when realistically, I am making art and enjoying my time? It’s cause I am used to that constant mindset that I must keep working, or I will fail. I must keep growing, or I will lose it all.
I think social media also promotes a very unhealthy mindset that often affects many more people than just me. The idea for an artist to believe sales = mean I’m doing good. no sales = I’m a failure. How does an artist break that mindset effectively without falling back into it? Social media is great for connection but truly disconnects you from yourself sometimes.
Is this good for you? Oh, no, but at least it has helped me be productive, which is something I can’t say I detest. But why should I offer this peculiar notion of shaping to the idea of capitalism to continue advancing my art? In all honesty, it shouldn’t be given any credit, making it impossible for me to acknowledge the satisfaction. AND PUT IN EVEN MORE EFFORT.
I need to learn to take in what it is that I have accomplished, from being a drug addict at the age of fifteen to working dead end job, to finding myself a web design job from the skills I taught myself as a kid when I was locked on the internet, to now creating art and making a livelihood off of this art, and it’s not just any art. I am in the process of populating my world with fascinating creatures and places. I am creating the world according to how I imagine it should look.
Just writing it out like that makes me put it into a bigger perspective; I think that’s why I started writing this blog post, too, It’s a reminder to be more aware of what I have done to get to where I am today.
I wrote an article back in November of 2021, mentioning a lot of self-doubts, I think I have gotten better with this, but it is still heavily there.
The terrifying sensation of earning a livelihood doing what you enjoy. It has the potential to be haunting. The assumption is that everything might collapse around you at any time, leaving you with no notion of what to do in the aftermath. You chase after your aspirations, putting your blood, sweat, and tears into achieving your goals. It’s frightening, and being in a new space adds a whole new dimension of difficulty to the situation. Is there anything I’m doing wrong? What may I be doing to improve my skills? That was something I should have done in a different manner… The amount of self-doubt that comes hurtling down the corridor at breakneck speed, only to be bashed into your skull and leave you feeling a little dazed and confused. At least, that’s how it seems for me at certain moments. While at the same time, one may remark that one becomes used to it… You grow accustomed to hearing yourself yell in your ear that you did that wrong, that you did that wrong, and so on. You begin to have the ability to ignore the jackass. That nagging voice in your brain may be really obnoxious at times. I feel like saying you get used to it is kinda fucked up though you know? It would probably be more accurate to say that you learn to ignore it. You still have access to it, but it doesn’t have quite the same amount of power as you used to think it did.
MAN, YOU EVER SIT DOWN AND JUST THINK ABOUT LIFE? Blog Post.
With any blog post, I am not entirely sure what you should take away from it cause these are more for me, but I hope you enjoyed this. These are just some thoughts I’ve had stuffed in my brain. Thank you for reading.
I leave you with this.
