I've always been someone who prefers to listen and learn, especially when it comes to social situations. I am not sure when it started, but I think it came from my younger age self. I'm not sure how to explain it either, I think it can be a mix of things.

Because I spend so much time alone and disconnected from others, I believe this may possibly be a contributing factor. That being said, I find more peace in this approach. You don't have to stay in touch with everyone you've met and become friends with, in my opinion, even if you've become close with them. When I'm in my own little world, I tend to forget about the actual one, and that's when I go wrong.

I wrote this in December and never published it. It's weird how different my mindset is now.

It's the Holiday season, I'm typically not a fan of this time, and what do you know? I still am not a fan. I am of course very thankful, but something about the wintertime puts me in a weird mindstate. I mean it could be that I never leave the house all year long, but it's also just the time itself, for some reason, the mix of nostalgic memories and realizations that life is MUCH different compared to the simple times of a kid. I don't want to go all the way back, but I do yearn to feel that carefree and fun feeling. Maybe that's why I chase art so hard. Typically around this time, I get so depressed and lazy that I won't even make art. That's one thing that's for sure different this year, I still am making art and I don't feel stuck. I still have been sleeping all day and watching movies, but I always find time to make art.

- Me, via an unpublished article.

It's interesting getting older and seeing how things change and how you react to them. I still hate the holiday times but it surely wasn't as bad as it use to be. I am extremely thankful for the life I have now. It's something I think about way too often cause I don't think I've fully grasped it yet. It's intense.

So, is it because of some bizarre coping mechanism I've developed that I feel being completely alone is beneficial? I would like the opportunity to be closer to the individuals with whom I have to interact with on a regular basis. Working with people I communicate with on a regular basis in the real world would be life-changing. As for me? Perhaps a change of environment is all I need.

A lack of connectedness to the world. A fixation on a world that's mainly in my head. Another thing I've been working on is making the Phettaverse and Phetta more accessible to others. It's difficult for me to express my thoughts and emotions in words. So we're going to write a lot of articles with the expectation that it will help.